Django Gold: In His Own Words

“I don’t know why people are so upset. The fact that I even know who Sonny Rollins is just proves how cool I am. Plus I can spell Miles Davis and Dexter Gordon’s names correctly. I am not just cool, I am hip. I am a hip hipster. The hippest hipster in town. How else would I know who Sonny Rollins is if I weren’t hip? He plays the saxophone right? (Notice how correctly I spelled “saxophone”.) In fact, we are such good friends, I thanked him for letting me use his name in my hysterical satire. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t let me use his name. Only haters care about that. If you don’t get how cool and hip I am, then you are a hater. Hater. Hater. Hater.

I dig Miles and Dexter and Diz. You can tell I dig them because I used their names in my brilliant caricature. Also, I used the word “dig” twice just now. Did you notice that?

As I proved in my ingenious pasquinade, I am hip enough to know that the drums are a very loud instrument. When I was little, I wanted to play the drums so everyone would have to look at me and see how clever I am. But now I don’t care about being clever. I just want to be hip. And I am hip. I am so hip. Just look at my sulking twitter profile photo. Is that hip or what?

So you haters can all stop attacking me. Sonny Rollins is not a hater. In fact, if you asked Sonny what he thinks of my piece, I’m sure he’d say he loved it and that I am so hip. Go on, ask him! Right now. I’ll wait.”

-By Django Gold as told to Roberta Piket

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